I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
