i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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