it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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