she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
