considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize