I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
