I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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