shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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