I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I intend to get homeless drunk
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
