I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
