You made me cry and you don't even care
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
