So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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