The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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