So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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