I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
