There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
