shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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