I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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