Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These tits shall not be calmed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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