You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize