I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize