Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Buhtt sex?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
