piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
