he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
