I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
