fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
