Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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