Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
