His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
