I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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