Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
