Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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