but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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