Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, beer. Big fan.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
