I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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