We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
