38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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