they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
