How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
