I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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