Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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