dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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