she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
