I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
