Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
