It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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