fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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