girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
