The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
