The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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