Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
