I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
