i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
