he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
