She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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