Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
