I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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