He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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