i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
