you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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