They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
