and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
