Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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