your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
