You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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