I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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