Got a toothbrush?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
