when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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