tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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