I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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