I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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