my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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