first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
