At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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