we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
