Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
