You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize