True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize