my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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