omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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