I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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