Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
