lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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