I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
