Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize