He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
