No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
