I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
