maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize