I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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