Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
