Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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