I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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