i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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