so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
