I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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