Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
