I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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