i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
