i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
