Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
