Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
