I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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