He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
