i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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