Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
